but ive been thinking lately about my attitude. i would consider myself a realist. someone who sees things for as they are. i tend to sometimes lean even more toward pessimism from time to time. i think because if i look at it from an honest perspective then i can't hope and therefore can't be disappointed when things don't go my way.
the Lord has been working on this in my heart. he has placed people in my life who are dreamers. these people see things, opportunities and possibilities all around them. they want to do everything and believe that they can. when i hear them vocalize their desires to be and do i tend to run a script in my mind of all things negative. i have to stop this and actually listen to them-maybe it will rub off.
lately i have let myself dream. dream of the places i want to go, the people i want to build relationships with and the life i want to live. i dream of higher education, of photography, of poetry, writing a book, biking, snuggling with my nieces and taking a stroll with an old friend. i think of my kindred spirits and how i long to spend more time with them. the openness of the future is beginning to seem like an invitation for adventure instead of a looming decision.
i believe that i connect my realism with my spirituality. i think that because i am a wretched sinner i don't deserve good or blessings from God. this is something i've been thinking on lately and looking to the Word for understanding. i can't say i have a solid opinion on it yet.
but what i can say is that God is opening up my heart to the positive things in life and as i let myself dream i find him there as good company.
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