vacation

i have been in portland/seattle since last tuesday.

the purpose of this trip is to visit my family, new baby cousin and friends.

this trip has meant more to me introspectively then i could have expected

the other day, for no apparent reason i had a revelation. i don't have to go to grad school.

i have been pressured by others, told that without grad school there isn't success or opportunity.

this is not true. i want to live for a while. make roots somewhere and let my hair down. i have been in school for most of my life. it is time for a rest. plus it isn't going anywhere, i can always go back.

i want to do stuff. i want to wander the earth. i want to live my life as i see fit, not in response to what the "man" wants.

revelation #2: i am comfortable alone. im not dating or married and so im alone so to speak. i think for a while this made me nervous and i masked it with busyness. during this trip there has been many opportunities for me to walk around the cities, watch a movie and enjoy the outdoors by myself. i realized i really enjoy it.

revelation #3: growing up in a small town has really shaped who i am. i like to think i have taken the best from my childhood and kept it with me. going to CBU was a huge change for me. and so when i found other people from small towns i felt better understood. during this vacation i realized how nice it is to have other people who understand the country way of life. there is a huge sense of community and simple beauty like nothing else. up until this point i never realized how much being raised in that environment has shaped who i am and what i want.

i have thoroughly enjoyed my time in the great northwest. i have felt connected to these two states for sometime now. family in both portland and seattle. i leave today and am sad to go back to school. only because it is located in smog, city and amongst thousand of people. im excited to see friends, but thats about it.

this vacation has meant so much to me personally and spiritually. i feel like God has renewed my spirits and given me a sense of direction. im sad to be leaving.