kindred spirit

Over the last few weeks i have felt so tired. tired of running from the Spirit, tired of trying to find him through my own works. i think if i just go into solitude, away from people, and spend days with God then everything will magically be okay. the thing is they won't be okay. it doesn't work like that, a quick fix. i know that each day i have to sit with God until i do feel his Spirit. My flesh doesn't want to be obedient and therefore I continue to fight against it. I know I need it and yet it seems so hard sometimes. Why is it that I can talk to Jackie, she can say everything I am feeling when I cannot put it into words, and yet I can't tell God thats how I'm feeling. She is a voice, tangible and God is Spirit. But she cannot fill me like he can, she can only point me to the fountain of life. I get so frustrated with myself because my spirit seems so insensitive to my sin and I want to be sensitive. I want to realize the depth of my sin and run from it, flee. Talking to Jackie made me realize how gracious God is. Even in my disobedience he sends me a friend who can describe how I'm feeling and draw me closer to him, sent me on my knees and cry. I don't deserve his persistence, faithfulness and love, but he continues to shower them down. I desperately thank you God because you know how much I need you.